Some Things Are Self Explanatory

Annoying Orange

While Eryn and I were looking for Legos Mindstorms videos on YouTube, we happened across these Annoying Orange videos. Something like 11 million people have seen them - or at least one person eleven million times - but they were new to us and we enjoyed them (including Pooteewheet). I'm partial to the TOE-MAY-TOE episode.

The Annoying Orange 1


The Annoying Orange 2 - Pumpkin


The Annoying Orange 3 - TOE-MAY-TOE


The Annoying Orange 4 - Sandy Claus


The Annoying Orange 5 - More Annoying Orange


The Annoying Orange 6 - Super Bowl Football

First Robot - Plate Mover

So Grandma Madeline gave Eryn some money for educational software and we were having a difficult time deciding what sort of software we could possibly get given that she does most of her educational online by linking out from school sites. Perhaps language-based software was an option, but she can piggyback for free on my Rosetta subscription. We decided it was just enough money to buy a NXT 2.0 robot kit. An extravagance, but obviously within the bounds of software with a strong engineering educational angle (and we strive to be Klund-ish at every turn). We ordered the robot and a copy of The Mayan Adventure (tells stories around building five different robots), and by yesterday we had the robot complete and were working on the program today. We ran into a bit of a snafu because the software failed to show the control panel for the color sensor until I stopped and restarted it, but otherwise it's gone well and Eryn has done most of the building, the programming, and the renaming of the robot (it was originally the MazeRunner robot, but we had to fill out a description, task list, constraint list, and name, so she took the opportunity to rename it).

The goal is to get the robot to find a wall in front of it, turn right, find a colored edge (a pit), turn left, find a colored edge (a pit), turn right, find a wall, and then wait for 30 seconds for a pressure plate to trigger. Then do a 180 and do it all in reverse. We'll be putting up two walls of pop cans and blue painters tape on the floor to simulate the "trap". Although some of it feels like trial and error trying to get the exact amount of degrees of rotation necessary to turn the robot 90 degrees on a wood panel floor, Eryn is obviously learning quite a bit about sensors, why the robot is built the way it is, the programming, and even what a caster is used for (as a pivot point).

Grandpa John probably would have appreciated these when we were kids. A lot of fun. We'll post a video when it starts following instructions.

Plate Mover and the view from above, mostly looking at his intelligent brick. His balls (the caster) is under the plate on the bottom right.

From the back. Which seems like it would be the front. We have to program backward as forward to compensate which irritates Eryn, but seems to help her think outside strictly following instructions. We even talked about it while bicycling today, discussing that right wasn't right once you turned around - or it was, depending on how you looked at it.

From the side. The bars on top are just for visual effect. They don't serve any real purpose. Like a fin on a Saturn.

Bit wider picture. Lots of wires, but they can be replaced with much shorter ones in most cases, and this picture includes the cable to the computer because I can't quite figure out the bluetooth on the Mac.

From the front it looks a little like Wall-E. The orange teeth are also just an affectation. Eryn can't decide if she prefers them forward or facing down.

Poop

I can't believe the Mac thesaurus in Word won't let me loot up alternatives to "shit". Fortunately, The Poop Thesaurus has my back covered. However, it doesn't include "night soil", so I find it a dubious reference. It looks like you have to go to Thesaurus.com and use poop and manure to cross reference all the various permutations like meadow muffin, cow pies, feculence, and dung, many of which, even if they do show up in Word, don't link to much more than "droppings". Wikipedia at least goes the distance and gives me a 16th century drawing of a human defecating in a squatting position. Sometimes research is difficult.

Ugh

Obviously, I was drinking more caffeine than I thought. Because going cold turkey is rough.

Noseprint

On my way in through the automated revolving door at the back of the building today, I noticed something different. A noseprint smudge at about eye level. So either someone was tired and leaned their whole face against the glass, or wasn't watching and got pushed into the glass. Either way, funny. I know it wasn't Tall Brad or my boss as they would have left a smudge much higher up.

Robots

There are a few things they don't tell you about Legos Robot NXT 2.0 sets out of the box:

1.) if you have a newer copy of the MacIntosh OS (e.g. Snow Leopard) you should download a ruby program to prep the program install.

2.) Clear off a completely clear and very expansive surface as some of the pieces are small and it takes only moments to lose them. Afterwards, you'll worry the cat is playing with them, or the dog has eaten them.
3.) There are six batteries in the block. Not because it take six batteries to power the whole robot, but because there are two batteries for port a, two for port b, and two for port c. If two of your batteries are low on power, the robot works, but he's gimpy in one leg and spins in circles.
4.) It's ok to build a robot without your child around. She's excited to have one complete and be able to use the programming GUI to tell it to say "education goodbye" in a loop. Control flow as a basic logic structure, check.

Competency

My lead developer on a project couldn't attend a meeting on Friday. My lead (a project manager) couldn't attend in her stead. I said I'd be there. At which point one of the PMs on the project sent a message to me and the project team that said, and I barely paraphrase, "Are you sure you understand all the details involved in the project and can speak to our concerns?" I responded with a four point treatise that basically said, "I wouldn't have done it the way you did it in the first place, so I don't understand what you're doing or why you're doing it, but I understand the project." My lead/PM was highly amused and sent me a one word email that said, "Solid!"

The follow up meeting involved two of the PMs on the project (from the same team) voicing differences in direction in the meeting, arguing with automated testing about whether they'd take the testing tool development we'd been trying to give them all along, talking over the automated testing rep when he was trying to explain that he'd take it (instead of just saying f*ing thank you), questioning how the automated testing team wanted to implement the tool (at which point I spoke up and said, he/she who owns the tool owns the implementation. If it doesn't do what you want, then you go back to the table, but they'll understand it enough to remedy the problem at that point. Until then, tell them what you want in concrete terms and leave the details to the people with the developers), and sounding very confused when they discovered I can pull document ids at will with only 60 minutes of programming (no one ever thinks a manager knows how to use a product api). Possibly the most aggravating meeting I've been in since I started managing, and I've been in a LOT of meetings.

I miss just coding to make myself happy.

No Wheels

Actually, two less wheels than before. I took off Eryn's training wheels, despite her protestations, on Friday. By today, with only minimal practice, she was a natural. Grandpa and Grandma sent some money for a new bicycle for her birthday, which she's shopping for tomorrow, which means she'll be riding a full-sized bicycle. So I thought I'd better get her prepped for something without training wheels before it arrived. It seems strange that I didn't have to throw her down the street without supervision, or slam her into a car, or subject her to ripped jeans and lots of scabs to get her up to speed. After all, that's what my father did to me. I fondly remember the day he gave me a push and I ended up sprawled across the trunk of a parked car. I allude to that in the video below.

A discussion of Grandpa John's training techniques:

No training wheels.

Three places at once!!!

Luna, watching as Eryn learns to ride. She hates being tied to the chair (as is obvious if you watch the video).

Inappropriate

My wife looked at me tonight and said, "I got cocked head." I laughed and I laughed and I laughed and I laughed. Even after she explained she was referring to how the dog was looking at her.

Call of Duty

Sometimes, this blog is just a place to log my obsession du jour. Around Christmas I spent the end of my birthday Best Buy card and bought Call of Duty. I was trying to buy the same one Ming had, but ended up with World at War, a World War II-based game, rather than Modern War (reflex edition), a Gulf War-based game. I played it. Enjoyed it. Decided the maps were a bit too small, and the bonuses a bit too limited. And eventually decided I should buy the one that would allow me to play with Ming. Bad idea. I went from having played way too much of the WWII version, to WAY too much of the Gulf War version. And not just me, but my whole family. Pooteewheet and Eryn both play. I know it may seem dubious letting a 6 year old play Call of Duty, but I have significantly fewer issues with her playing the wi-fi version than the blood-laden individual-vs-computer game. She's clear it's just a game, although she's confessed to dreaming about the game, and was playing some sort of Call of Duty shooting game running around the porch. She's obsessed with blowing up cars in the game by throwing grenades at them, and there's part of the reason I'm ok with her playing...her favorite part is to run around underground and to blow up cars with grenades, not to shoot other players. She gets that it's a game.

So...if you see me posting less. If you wonder why I don't seem to have as much free time (and to my credit, in the last two days we walked, biked, went to the park, walked to the ice cream store, and played baseball in the street), I'm just going to confess that even a 40+ year old can get addicted to a good game.

Manicotti

Making your own food goes a long way toward assuring you appreciate just what you're putting in your system. Today I made manicotti, and somewhere around stuffing the tenth one with a mixture of Parmesan, whole milk ricotta, mozzarella, an egg, the insides of four Italian sausages, spaghetti sauce (I thought it would be easier than whole tomatoes and sauce, and whole tomatoes tend to provoke an allergic reaction) and various other foodstuffs, I thought, "that's a lot of calories." Not Kirstie Alley six tablespoons of butter on some noodles calories, but still...significant. Fortunately, you don't have to eat ten manicotti noodles. You can just eat one or two and drink some fruit smoothie to counterbalance.

I used to make lasagna all the time. It was one of my favorite dishes, and I inflicted it upon many dates all the way back to my high school years. But I've gotten away from making it over time not because I like it any less, but because it's just too much food (even when I cut the ingredients in half) and too much of food that's not very healthy. On Friday, I went out for lunch with two members of my team and we discussed how it was a healthy lunch because we were eating a burrito at Chipotle instead of the all-you-can eat pizza buffet at Old World Pizza. Manicotti might make me feel that way about lasagna.

A Rose by Any Other Name

I had a dream last night about a someone giving me a black mamba, a poisonous snake, as a pet. Later it turned into a boy, but he was obviously still a poisonous snake. Then into an attractive woman, but still obviously a poisonous snake. And then into a puppy, but still obviously a poisonous snake.

As near as I can figure it, this is the result of a.) watching a show about an exterminator on a science channel who was dealing with lots of poisonous snakes and b.) having a discussion about Shakespeare with Eryn that evolved from discussing biting one's thumb, to her teapot from Stratford on Avon, to a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

Apparently a poisonous snake by any other name and/or form would be as snakey.

Itchy

I haven't been blogging lately. While I can blame part of it on Call of Duty Modern Warfare (for the Wii), I have to blame at least two days on being itchy. As near as I can tell, two days ago the itchiness, which rapidly turned into stomach cramps and overwhelming tiredness, was brought on by some sort of nut associated with the hot chocolate set from Penzy's Mean Mr. Mustard gave me for my 41st birthday. I grated a little into my hot chocolate per instructions. New nut...new liminal allergy. Figures.

Yesterday, it seemed to be a product of a spider bite. A spider bite I got at work. I'd blame Ryan for bringing the little bastard from downtown to the burb offices, but I got the bite shortly before he showed up, not shortly after. It was (actually, it is) on the back of my left hand, by the thumb and pointer finger. Couple of hours later, the itchiness it caused spread from my hand to my arm. A few hours later, both arms. By 9:00 p.m. it was my whole body. Then I was exhausted from itching and went to bed.

I seem fine today, although I can still see the spider bite, and some of the nut is still sitting down here by the computer where I left it after staring at it to see if it would give up the secret to its itchiness causing powers.

I Know Which One Ming Prefers

But which would you rather watch, Kyle?

• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKQ5yRFkBnE
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JuSHYlceBvQ

Worst F-ing Book Ever

Ok...it might not be THE worst book ever, but it makes a solid showing in the bottom three of anything I've ever read. There's a piece of advice everyone should follow, and I don't care if there's an exception or two, never...ever...read anything by the child, grandchild, or grandnephew (or niece) of a good author. Just don't do it. Not if they're Tolkien's kid. Not if they're Herbert's kid. And not if they're the grandnephew of Bram Stoker. Primarily, what I take away from this monstrosity (I use that word intending that you know the book is more horrific as a work than the subject is) is that Bram Stoker shouldn't have reproduced. No...that's not right. Bram Stoker's father shouldn't have reproduced. It would have saved me a lot of anguish. Dracula is bad. Not a bad book. The character is bad. He's evil. He's anathema to God. Trying to repurpose him as a hero of God who was maligned by Elizabeth Bathory, a villain who can turn into an f-ing dragon...that's idiotic. I don't give a shit about spoilers. Did you know that Lucy only became a vampire because Van Helsing screwed up a blood transfusion and Dracula manned up and tried to save her the only way he knew how? You didn't get that out of Dracula? Go figure. Did you realize that Mina got pregnant by Dracula, and her son was his offspring, half human, half vampire? Wait...you thought that was Wesley Snipes in Blade? He wasn't the original! Did you know that the real evil was that Elizabeth Bathory was a lesbian and she hated God for taking away her lovers and her children, so the natural outcome was to kill young women and the children of other women? Makes perfect sense.

I should cut Dacre Stoker some slack. He wrote this piece of shit with a fanboy, Ian Holt. So he's not alone in the blame. Herbert's kid pulled a similar move. It's proof fanboys can't write anything. No...don't argue. If you're a fanboy, then fuck you. Even if you're a good writer, the fact that you self-identify as a fanboy, or are identified as a fanboy, taints you in a way I can't undo. If you don't believe me, check out Amazon. There aren't many books that don't have a few fans, and this one has an amazing number of 1 ratings. You can check the reviews...I don't need to recapture all of that here. The vitriol is 45 ratings deep, if you don't include the 2's.

What really pushed the novel over the edge (admittedly, for me) was the explanatory text by Holt and Stoker at the end of the novel. I quote (393), "Dracula the Un-Dead is a multifaceted sequel to a multilayered novel." NOT IF YOU HAVE TO TELL US IT IS. Assholes. Why don't you just tell me it's an enigma wrapped in a riddle, wrapped in a big piece of poorly written crap and be done with the Winston Churchill references? And (407), "We have long stated that one of the key reasons for writing this sequel was to remedy the cannibalization and bastardization of Bram's novel by Hollywood and other authors." The important part of that quote is "by other authors". They don't promise to remedy their own cannibalization and bastardization which are egregious.

I watched so many vampire movies as a kid. I loved the Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing movies I could watch on Saturdays, much like other kids watched cartoons. As bad as those movies were. As young as I was. We would have all agreed that Dracula the Un-Dead didn't deserve to be one of those movies, and shouldn't be any part of a vampire canon.

I should have read She Says' Stones novel instead.

Progress

I got my new Flogging Molly CD in the mail yesterday. I'd been waiting for it for a long time because it came with a special concert DVD and a t-shirt. And I also got a record. WTF? How the HELL am I supposed to listen to The Worst Day Since Yesterday on a record? I don't even have a record player to spin vinyl.

The problem is I didn't even know it was an option to get a record. I'm so far past that technology that it didn't even occur to me. It reminds me of the story about how Native Americans didn't recognize Columbus' ships as ships because they didn't understand what they were seeing (presumably false - based solely on how idiotic it sounds, but it's a good analogy). The only use a record serves is as a historical lesson to Eryn about what music used to be served upon in the old days back when I listened to Kirk Douglas singing A Whale of a Tale on 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (remember that LissyJo?). They might as well have printed the lyrics on the shirt - they'd have been of more use in that format.