Lunch

My orange, from lunch. And no, it's not a blood orange.

Best Exchange at Work Today

At the front doors at work:

Guy: "Hi, I'm Brock."
Woman: "I'm sorry."

I'm pretty sure her name was Sari, or something similar. Makes me want to change my name to Sod Off.

Jubilation Day

This was on CMT this morning. Sometimes having background noise on is great when it delivers up something worth listening to. A great song and a funny video by Steve Martin (yes, The Jerk Steve Martin).

Bicycle Film Festival

I spent much of the last four days at a movie of some sort.  Thursday-Saturday I was at the Bike Film Festival in Minneapolis.  Thursday for two shows with Kyle and Ming.  Friday for two shows with Kyle.  And Saturday for a show with Kyle, my wife, and daughter.  A lot of bike movies. Sunday I topped it off with the last Harry Potter movie in 3D. We had to go for a convertible ride to the art park north of Stillwater on Sunday just to make up for all the weekend indoor time.

Contrary to Ming's contention that sexism in the bike shop industry seems to be a made up problem, I really enjoyed Dudey Free Zone at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts.  Even though they shut it down two minutes early because the museum closed.  The two things that stuck out were how almost every woman complained about men taking tools right out of their hands.  And the woman at Sunrise Cyclery who said some guy lifted the back of her pants to check out her calf without asking.  Her humorous observation that she'd ventured beyond the no dudes zone behind the counter was proof to me that it wasn't a bitter, made up, problem, but something being faced by people who were tired of it, but still had a great sense of humor.  Ming and Kyle had an extensive discussion about it on Facebook, and I chimed in today that it reminded me of the uproar around the Flashbelt conference in 2009.

Labor of Love, earlier that night, about a woman doing the Race Across America was amazing.  Caroline van den Bulk's 3000 mile trip, where she timed out only about 55 miles from the finish, but went the distance anyway, was an amazing look into what happens to someone who only sleeps 12 hours in 12 days while otherwise pedaling constantly.  It should come as no surprise that a complete emotional meltdown is part of the charm, although having your coach mock cry at you would come as something of a surprise (he did apologize to her on a tape recorder in the car after she finally got going again).

Some other notables. The Bilenky Junkyard Cross:


I liked Le Tour De Kagawa, a search for Udon shops, although that was primarily about the personalities of the Udon eaters/bicyclists, and not the riding.

I've blogged about My Commuted Commute before (thanks to Mean Mr. Mustard), about the bike lane in NYC.

Mark Ronson's Bike Song...excellent music video:


And the Tom Schroeder cartoons about bicycling stories in MN were wonderful, both Bike Ride:


And The Bike Race:


Sunchasers, about disabled cyclists, should have been better, but the editing wasn't very good. So you were often faced with long parts that weren't illuminating of the characters of the women involved.

Sunchasers Karissa Portrait from Irvin Coffee on Vimeo.

Eryn enjoyed how at one point the video started skipping during the credits, and the audience would clap. And stop. And clap. And stop. In time with the skipping. The Bike Film Festival audience is an extremely good-natured crowd.

Raccoon

I was watching the Daily Show the other day and saw the Fox News blurb about how her fast food meal was the equivalent of eating a live raccoon.  Really?  Avoiding the issue that they're probably trying to send subtext, I went fact checking.  Fortunately, someone had already done the math for me.

"Starting weight: 15 lbs (range for adult raccoons appears to be 10-50)
Weight excluding hide, head, intestinal contents, etc.: 7.5 lbs
Remaining weight after subtracting 1.5 lbs (20% of 7.5 lbs) from bone = 6 lbs
At 20% body fat, 1.2 lbs (545 g) of fat
At 60% muscle, 3.6 lbs (1634 g) of muscle
At 75% water weight in lean muscle, there would be 0.9 lbs ((409 g) of protein
At 9 calories/g for fat and 4 calories/g for protein, there would be 4,905 calories from fat and 1634 calories from muscle
Estimated grand total: 6,530 calories in a whole raccoon"

However, I'm not willing to believe your average raccoon is only equivalent to 8 Chipotle chicken burritos without beans or sour cream. While there's less math involved, I find this breakdown more compelling.

"Nope. Racoons have way more calories than that (at least adult ones). Granted, the gentleman did specify a live raccoon, which would require more energy to digest. Raccoons (apparently) weigh in at about 3.5 - 9kg for an adult. 85g provides about 217kcal. Let's say the raccoon to be ingested by Mrs. Obama is on the low end, say 5kg. 5000g / 85g is about 59. So, 59 * 217 is 12803kcal. And that is for a modestly sized raccoon! Even if this raccoon is feisty in the extreme and puts up a hell of a fight, the most you are likely to expend during fisticuffs is 257kcal (165lb 30y/o male fighting the raccoon for 20 minutes). Let's also say that your body expends 10% of the energy provided by the live raccoon in question to work extra hard at digesting the raw meat (as opposed to easier-to-eat-and-digest cooked meat). That still leaves about 11306kcal (12803 * .9 - 217) unaccounted for!"

If you distrust my gut calorie reaction, raccoon is listed on calorie counter. One (1) pound of meat is about 1100 calories, so a 5KG/11 pound racoon...12100 calories. More like 12 burritos. That gels with my expectations.

Did I mention Fox is full of dicks? I don't know how many calories are in a dick. But one of my favorite articles ever was the Straight Dope's determination of calories in semen. Enjoy today's nutrition information.

The Daily Show
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

I'm a Martian

I just feel I should share this based on my love of Marvin T. Martian: I'm a Martian.

Lyrics:
Every time you see me, you earthlings turn and run.
I don't know what your problem is.
I'm really super fun.
I'm a Martian!
Not a great white shark.
I'm a Martian!
I play frisbee in the park.
Come over to my party.
It's not that long a trip.
You'll be glad you made the journey
for my seven-layered dip.
I like sharing cheese pizza.
You see, I'm not so bad.
Do you like little puppies?
I make them in my lab.
I'm a Martian!
I hope for you know ill will.
A Martian!
Does someone need a chill pill?
My name's Marvin, I'm a Martian!
La-la-la-la-le-la-la-lee-lee-lo
Let's share a lemon soda.
And talk about our feelings.
But don't insult my helmet
'Cause then I'll hit the ceilings.
I've got a laser!
And it's pointed at your planet.
It's my laser!
So don't take me for granted.
I'm a Martian!
Boom-shaka-laka
I'm a Martian!
Shaka-laka-boom.

Harrey Podder

Courtesy of Geek Chic Daily, Harrey Podder.  Eryn tells me it's dumb...but she has little tolerance for mockies when it comes to Harry Potter.

Tim Pawlenty

I really hope this is easy to see.  I've been reading a lot lately.  And by a lot, I mean by mid-year I'm almost at the exact same number of pages I read total last year.  Admittedly, last year was horrible.  I blame managerialnessosity.  The state of/in which one is a manager.  And a vaguely first-year manager.  I've quit telling people "it takes two (2) years to get good at your job" because it freaks out executive management.  But it's the truth.  Year one is a total %!*/*&*%$%-fest.  Particularly if the training style is "just dive in and see how you do."  About year .75 you realize, f-it, I'm doing, not asking.  Year 1.25 you think, these people aren't necessarily smarter than me, just more experienced.  And year 1.75 you begin to believe, I'm better at this than at least one other person, unless I'm deluded, because it's possible I'm the worst manager and I only think I'm at least second-worst.  But then I could always go on sheer numbers which state, I've gone from two to twenty reports, and from a few project in one project space to four projects in four project spaces with numerous real projects within each.  Of course then I just sit in my cube, cry on my team pancakes, and wonder why no one will give me 15 contiguous minutes to code up a TFS to Open Source scanning tool using Powershell and a few business rules.

Anyway.  Reading.  Been doing a lot.  And looking for a few dystopias.  But the other day I was content to just look for whatever sort of "science fiction" the Dakota County library system had to offer.  Particularly as they now show their recent acquisitions in reverse chronological order.  I was paging through the results, and on page four (4), lo and behold, "Courage to Stand: An American Story" by Tim Pawlenty.  If it weren't ironic enough that it shows up under science fiction, it's below "Sweet Farts: Rippin' It Old School" and only just above "Night of the Living Trekkies."  Keep that in mind if you vote for him in a primary.

Wayward Betty

Mean Mr. Mustard let me know that someone I had previously blogged about was back on campus.  Work campus.  Not school campus.  And he let me know she has a blog.  All for the price of a pancake.  He's a great friend.  So this is a bit of an experiment.  I strongly recommend Kate's blog, Wayward Betty.  It's good writing.  Funny.  Writing for the sake of writing - not a mix of comical observations, software and beer links, and variegated mental masturbation (e.g....the sort of "nod to nothing") in which I indulge.  As someone with a master's in writing, I can appreciate her blog for what I should do, but refuse to do.  And while I fail to believe anyone worthwhile comes from Milwaukee (let's see how carefully my wife reads my blog), Kate's stories are enjoyable and descriptive.

But my experiment relates to my own blog, and the bloginess that is blogging and reading other blogs and being mentioned by bloggers without knowing that you have been mentioned.  Kate...if you ever find your way here, via redirect tracking, casual search of Google, statcounter, or some other similar tool, my challenge is this, can you find yourself on my blog?  Don't start digging through the last few days or weeks or even months.  Think back to when you last worked with the esteemed Mean Mr. Mustard and myself, even though you might not know us from Adam...s...es.  Can I use a plural for Adam if I mean it to refer to the saying that refers to the Biblical Adam?  After all.  There was only one.  Dibs on Adam.  Mean Mr. Mustard gets to be "you don't know him from Eve" if Adam requires the singular.  If you just can't figure it out, lob a guess my direction and I'll confess to the correct post(s).  There's not a dearth of writing so, like horoscopes, there's no shortage of ways to see yourself in at least one bit of writing.

Sincerely, Scooter and Mean Mr. Mustard/Eve (by Proxy).

Software Links VI (and other articles of interest)

• Refactoring Javascript with kratko.js - an interesting way to apply statistical analysis to your javascript refactoring.  You can try it on the page by using their simple bookmarklet on the page and the window object.
• 9 Tips on How To Improve Yourself as a Web Designer - read, write, talk, build.  It's surprising how few developers and designers actually follow that advice.
• 10 Tips to Boost Your HTML Forms Performance - label above the field and don't mask your password are particularly interesting.
• 5000 Free Math, Physics, And Engineering Video Tutorials And Lectures - Khan and MIT are the bulk of them, but these will be cool to share with Eryn.
• 45+ New jQuery Techniques For Good User Experience - so many easy little javascript widgets for autocomplete, navigation, file trees, book widgets, and more.  Although I'm not I'll ever have a need for a robot on my web pages.
• Content Management Assessment Worksheet - I post this because I think the first three sections would be fun to ask any developer when doing their mid-year review and discussing their projects year-to-date.  "I'm going to go ask your stakeholders if they can give me an elevator pitch. Your review partially relies on their answer."  Unfortunately, I might have to mark down my own assessment in such a case, although anyone who had me as their stakeholder could be guaranteed I have a pitch of some sort.
• Jalapeño and beer brined pork chops - I really want to try them.  And as a bonus, you get to learn about "Pork Chop Theory".  "According to Dupree, if you cook one pork chop in a pan on high heat it will burn. But if you cook two pork chops in a pan, the chops will cook evenly as each chop’s fat will feed the other. As Willis has written, “It’s the ultimate in giving, sharing, and developing mutually beneficial partnerships and relationships. It’s not about competition, it’s about sharing the fat, sharing the love.”"
• Fit or Future, Which is More Important When Hiring? - my focus is usually future, although I better get the impression your piece doesn't fit because of the skill selection, not because of a lack of foundation knowledge.

Porn Gun

Eryn kept asking me if I wanted to see the porn gun. "Dad, do you want to see the porn gun?" "Do you, it's cool?" "There's a video of the porn gun!" "It's a real life porn gun."

Wow...no thanks honey.  And maybe it's time to have another talk about what you're looking at on the computer. She showed it to me anyway.

Software Links V (and other articles of interest)

• 5 Books to help you become a better software engineer - I disagree about The Pragmatic Programmer, but I did enjoy the others.
• Beer Archaeologist from Long Reads - Dogfish is so freaking cool. "But will the za’atar—a potent Middle Eastern spice mixture redolent of oregano—clobber the soft, floral flavor of the chamomile? And what about the dried doum-palm fruit, which has been giving off a worrisome fungusy scent ever since it was dropped in a brandy snifter of hot water and sampled as a tea?...The truest alcohol enthusiasts will try almost anything to conjure the libations of old. They’ll slaughter goats to fashion fresh wineskins, so the vintage takes on an authentically gamey taste. They’ll brew beer in dung-tempered pottery or boil it by dropping in hot rocks. The Anchor Steam Brewery, in San Francisco, once cribbed ingredients from a 4,000-year-old hymn to Ninkasi, the Sumerian beer goddess."
• Nailing down non-functional requirements (Infoq) such as "General 'ilities' of the system such as scalability, interoperability, maintainability, portability, performance and security".  I fully agree about the trickiness of making this work as well as getting it in the backlog and in front of the business unit.  I'm particularly sensitive to the issue, because lately I've been tasked with handling our Open Source tracking for the department, including porting the scripting of the process from AntHillPro back to Powershell scripts (AHP keeps failing on us), considering the OWASP scanning schedule, including writing up a standard "bundle" for partners interested in our security stack, and determining the best way to automate some of our testing within the constraints of two development FTEs for half a dozen products.
• Why Most IT Departments Are Modeled After a DMV (Even Yours!) -  How to codify saying "no".  "Campaign rhetoric aside, governments have a bit of a vested interest in slowing down change in the way government works. Governments are meant to be stable, reliable and predictable -- and change opposes those goals...My problem is that ITIL pretty much abhors change. No, not on paper -- on paper, ITIL manages and controls change. In practice, IT organizations use ITIL as a blunt instrument to halt change."
• It's getting real...in the Whole Foods parking lot.   Thanks to Betsy Burton (@betsyphd). I wonder if I should form a competing gang over at Kowalski's.

Etiquette

I've noticed that sometimes at the soda fountain, no matter how wide the machine, the next person in line won't get ice or water, despite the fact that I'm filling my diet soda from the far end, effectively several feet away.  Usually it's a guy that's standing there waiting until I'm done.  Which leads me to wonder, is this some sort of misplaced urinal etiquette?